Young and Old

I've been thinking a lot about something that happened at Albertsons last month. I don't know why it's been on my mind. It was a few weeks after Easter and while grocery shopping I noticed that the Easter baskets were 90% off. I decided to get one for Matt and Trent. The only problem was that they were up on the very top shelf and I could barely reach them. As I was wrestling with them trying to get the 'boy' ones down (don't think they'd like the Barbie baskets) this teenager came walking up the isle. He was probably about 16 or 17 and was on his cell phone. My first impression was that he looked to be a little . . . questionable. I heard him tell the person on the phone that he had to go and he'd call them back. He then walked over to me and asked me which ones I wanted and got them down for me. He was so nice and helpful. I thanked him, he said no problem, and he walked off. It made my whole day. Obviously my first impression was wrong (as they often are) - and I was so touched by what he did. We hear so much negativity about teenagers . . . it's too bad there isn't more focus on the good things.
On a side note, something that bothered me today . . . I was picking up some dry cleaning for one of my customer's on my way to clean her house. The woman working there, McRae's Dry Cleaning (not sure if I spelled that right), had KTSY on. I told her that she had a great taste in music and that I loved KTSY. She said that she does too, but, when her boss is there she can't have it on. Her boss told her that she finds it offensive. Geez. Yes, let's not play good, clean, music . . . . how about some rap or something? I don't see how it could possibly offend anyone. But, whatever. I guess I need to pray for her boss. She said she thinks her boss doesn't like it because it's convicting. That just could be it.
Lastly what I want to write about is my mom. She has been talking a lot lately about her getting older (she's 70) and what she wants when she can't take care of herself. For example, it really bothers her that at a lot of these care centers they try to force people to eat. She absolutely does not want that to happen to her. She does not want to come live with any of her kids and would prefer a care center. She said that she, of course, wants to be buried by my step-dad, and that she probably won't be here when Trent graduates from high school etc. It is really bothering me. I know that it's good to talk about it so that we know what she wants. I just can't think about not having my mom. It was hard enough when my dad died and when my step-dad died. I'm much closer to my mom so I know it will be even harder. I hate that people have to get old. I've always thought that God could have come up with something better . . . but I'm sure He knows what He's doing. :) It's very hard when you have kids you are taking care of and parents you are taking care of. But it is a blessing. When I was helping to care for my step dad, for over a year, there were days when I thought that I just couldn't get through another day of watching him suffer. But I'm so glad I could take care of him. It was a great blessing.

Choices, Decisions, and Trusting Ourselves

I've always had problems with making choices . . . deciding on which path to take in my life. I guess this stems from several things. The first one being the fact that my mom always made all of my decisions for me. She told me, basically, what to do and when to do it. She wasn't rude or mean or anything like that. She just liked to control things and she felt (and still feels) that her way is the right and only way. I guess the second reason is that I feel like I have made some pretty bad choices in my life (atleast that's what I've been told). I applied for a part time job in the evenings that I really need. After the interview I started regretting that I applied. I prayed that I wouldn't get the job unless God wanted me there. And, well, I got it. I'm hoping that I didn't make the wrong choice with this. It's 5 nights a week and I'm really stressing about being gone in the evenings. Sometimes I feel like if I have a 50/50 chance of picking the wrong thing (or wrong way) I always pick the wrong thing. (I know I'm kind of rambling here . . . I've been sick and Trent has been sick and up for 3 nights. I'm exhausted as is Trent . . . Oh, I'm also PMSing) haha I also am getting tired of how I judge myself. I guess we all do - especially women. Tonight I went to Fred Meyer for groceries. As I said before - I am totally exhausted. I've shopped at this store a million times. I didn't mean to but, for some reason, went into the express lane. I definitely had more than 12 items. The cashier rang me up and was really nice and just 'mentioned' for future reference that it was an express lane. I felt SO HORRIBLE. I was almost crying on my way out to the van. I knew it was ridiculous to be so upset about it - but I just felt so stupid. I felt like I had 'broken the law' or something. I guess I always have struggled with trusting myself and giving myself a break. I can do 50 right decisions, 1 bad decision, and all I focus on is the bad decision. Anyhoo, I have so much more to write about as I usually write only once a month or something (I've got to change that). But I won't get into everything now. It's going on midnight. The time posted always says an hour earlier than it actually is. I guess because Angela set this up for me in Portland. That's it for now.